So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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