i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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