we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
