you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
