We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i think my cat just said my name.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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