I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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