I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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