I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
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