I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
