One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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