these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
