like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
