he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
