Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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