We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
