i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My penis needs a shock collar
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
