Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
