no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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