Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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