Will you blow on my dice?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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