Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
