4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
