Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
