she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
