remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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