you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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