i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
