Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
