dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
