Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Boobs are out for the taking
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
