I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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