Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize