i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
