Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
