ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
