We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
