mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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