I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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