I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
