I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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