Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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