Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
