I think my vagina is haunted
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I did not marry a roomba.
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