I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
