his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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