and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
