I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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