My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
