Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
