OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
