i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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