When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
