I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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