dude i'm inner monologue high
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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