Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
