Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
