Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
