we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
