I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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