So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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