I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
