you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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