I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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