found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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