Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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