You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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