Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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