turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
